Im going off the rails on the lazy traiiiin

By no means, is my life lazy, I dread standing still for longer than an hour, and im constantly on the go, seeking new hobbies, working on present ones, or exploring. Somehow, i started to think that it was okay to put God on the back burner. This blog is for me to be honest with myself, and allowing others to see that honesty too, so please respect my feelings! Sometimes we get so caught up in our own personal dreams and desires that we often forget God has much better ones in store. I assumed that my lack of laziness in my personal life meant that i was good. I go to church every sunday, i read my bible every week, so, that makes me good, right? Thats it? Job is done until next week? alright! sweet! ...

                         uh, no. 

    I find my ego and pride get the best of me, more than they ought to.My selfishness stands in my way of true potential. Instead of letting God let me know whats best, i assumed the role of the drivers seat. Life isnt worth living, if it has no purpose, and boy am i learning that! I get to do the coolest things, seriously! But whats the purpose? for MY happiness? What good is that? that mega sucks you know, because what is life, and happiness and joy, if it isnt shared with others? That if i want to have a heart like Jesus, i would have to serve. cause thats what he was, a Servant. SO, instead of self serving MYSELF, because that sounds just so self righteous it makes me gag, id have to live my life for others. I wouldnt say im obnoxious with the selfishness, i still love the opportunities God provides me for loving on others. But thats where the laziness comes in. I? ME? I wait? for HIM to provide opportunities? Where's the passion for his kingdom, Lindsey? Where is that burning desire to seek him? You have all the availability in the world, and yet, you wait.  how SELFISH of you. How can you EXPECT, no DEMAND that God bless you, when you continue to not live the blessed life? A check in once a week christian is not what he desires. Driving home in thought last night, i had a difficult time with that concept. Being a Christ follower is HARD. its not an easy route, but boy is it worth it! I have to constantly battle my motives for life decisions: "Is this cause I want it? Who will this Benefit, or who will this bless?" I often find myself comparing my walk with Christ back in Highschool and where i am now. I understand now, why most followers fade away in their 20s. Life catches up at you, and you're now an adult with the world at your feet, and the last thing you wanna do, is listen to someone else telling you how you should live your life. But you just gotta stomp out that voice telling you to make your own decisions. And thats what im trying to do, and yet i fail! like every week fail! I am not the most kind person to some, my selfishness and LAZINESS gets the best of me. And i sit and ask myself, how the heck can i get better at this? This life-thing? Cause, seriously this is hard! and anyone who tells you otherwise, is ignorant haha All these things in front of me, effecting me, influencing me, its hard to drown out all this negativity. "Act this way? or that way? Are you looking like this? cause you should! Dont eat that, This is what boys want! ect ect" Influence overload. Which also helps feed into the laziness, its just like, i wanna throw in the towel and call it a day, because i cannot process it all accordingly! So i decided to find out what laziness was. what was it?

lazi·ness n. : Indolence; inactivity resulting from a dislike of work.

Wait, what? Dislike? But wait.. my laziness is an example of Dislike towards serving God?????

But i dont dislike it?.... Do i? Do i LOVE it? Well, i guess if i LOVED it, i would be doing it more, right? 

                               1+1=Lindsey is lost.

Not gonna lie, reading the definition sent chills up my spine. Was i so far off the target point? what happened? and how did i get here?                  

 I got lazy.

Hot diggity dog! i need to get my act together! STAT! This whole "I love God, im covered" mentality is what will end me. What is love without effort? without thought-out on purpose act? Dont mistake me, i love The Lord! But, was i really showing my affection? or did i get caught up on this ride? I wasnt made to go with the flow. I was created to fight the current, and be a stand out. Time to start acting like it, yeah?