To want

Its time again. its time to uproot it all and just go for it. These past 7 months since ive been home from germany have been hard and amazing and everything in between. i have worked my TAIL off (and continuing) for money. I find myself wishing hoping and dreaming to go and do all these amazing things, and i pray and pray asking God, "HOW CAN I GET MONEY!?!" but it wasnt how, it was, can you. It was, hey God can i please just win the lottery? The other week at church pastor chuck said a statement that just hit me.  "God why cant i just win the lottery?.... Well, your chances go up when you actually purchase a ticket.." Since that day ive brainstormed and used my imagination to come up with every single possiblity to make a buck. I had to remember what my gifts are, and talents are, and that God just didnt give them to me for no reason. I have had bare to none social life in the month of may. Even cancelled my birthday week to go do something that is far more important then clubbing in Hollywood. These past few months have been the most important, and ive grown the most out of the last 4. Stuff that used to occupy my mind, just doesnt anymore. People who used to occupy my mind, just dont anymore. Ive learned to downgrade, and not loose quality, but gain it. My Dreams are whats most important to me right now. Not boys, not friends, not work, not dance, not baking, not anything. I wake up thinking about my dreams, and go to bed thinking about them. They fill my mind with sights and images painted across my thoughts. I realize that i have to be realistic about Life, and that i cant do great things, unless i work myself to the core. I have to FIGHT this, i have to WANT this more than anything ive ever wanted, and that its possible to be self made. I want to leave in september 2011 this year on another adventure. I dont know what adventure, or where! whether it be missions orientated, or just a traveling expedition, ive been researching like crazy! asking anyone who knows anything! I have so many open doors..

One of my biggest goals in life, is to say ive traveled the world before the age of 25. I want a picture holding the leaning tower of piza. A picture of me dangling the taj mahal like a christmas decoration. A picture of me on the great wall of china. A picture of me in the sahara. A picture of me kissing the sphinx. I wanna be able to say ive seen the northern lights in person. That ive floated down the Nile and Amazon. That ive drank guiness in an Irish pub and have had a croissant in Paris. I want treasures! I want memories that are priceless! I want to see these images in my head, in person! I dont want ANYTHING holding me down. I dont want to look back in 10 years with a husband and kids and say, what happened to my dreams? Now do NOT get this wrong, having a family is a dream of mine, a BIG one and a wonderful one, but im waiting to open that present. Ive got people to meet, and places to see, things to do, pictures to take, cultures to understand.. The stuff i wanna do, you cant learn in a classroom.    

Not a lot of people say they got to see the world, let alone at a young age.
                                   I want to be able to say that.

breakaway

"I gotta, take a risk, take a chance, make a change, and breakaway."

Cheesy line maybe, but how its one of my favorite songs! The past few days have been so inspirational, i feel like im ME again, and i haven't felt that way in a long time. I forget so often, and SO EASILY what my bigger plans are, what i imagine my life to be, and where i wanna go. I have dreams that are bigger than what im doing now, and ive learned that this state of my life, is only temporary. This time in my life, is meant to be spent with family, close friends, and God, building up character, learning important life lessons, and not letting anything set me back. When im bored, i tend to re-read my old blogs from germany and then after, to see how much ive grown, and that tough situations make tough people. I have always been a 'go-getter' so what happened? Why have i become so attention deficit, to the point where i forget what i truly value and look forward too in life? I feel like as girls, we are so easily manipulated by our own minds, that we forget how many plans, how many WONDERFUL adventurous loving plans God has in store for us, to not let money, jobs, media, BOYS get in the way of the view. Im meant for big things, its time for lindsey to grow a spine and keep moving forward, to not let anything stop me, but  to gently put things down and walk away. To not waste my time on temporary things, but to be a dream chaser, to get to that mountain top just to say i did so. Ill only be 18 once, and 19 is around the corner, and i want this year to be the most exciting yet. What are you gonna say about your past birthday? Are you able to say you took the world by your own two hands? Or let is shyly slip by?

Jeremiah 29:11:For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.


Sometimes i forget how Loving and creative God really is. I need to work on that.

relationships

Now, im not one to give advice on relationships, well romantic ones, since well, ive never really been in a full committed long term one. ever. why? i dont know, but past the point! Lately on facebook time and time again, this status comes up."Boys, treat your Girls right, or some other guy will." and always, bajillions of people 'like' it, and comment on it,  and say amen! or yeah! or "dont worry i am!" I dont think chivalry is dead, and i cant stand it when people say that it is. its not dead, your just hanging around losers. But when have we, the female race, ever try and turn those words around, so it applies to us? "Ladies, treat your man right, or another girl will". Its different when you read it regarding you huh? Its almost haunted, and just so realistic. I guess im talking about this, because most of my views (which i love you all so much! checking it every other day and i still get this amount of readings is SO cool!!) -are girls from Dr Jacksons blog, which he referred me or whatever you say. Anyways, i couldnt help but think, "how do i treat the guys that i am crushing on, or talking too?" Do i treat them the way i expect guys to treat me? well, to tell myself an honest answer, no, i dont. Do i treat them like the way i want to be treated? no not all the time. Do i try and be the best girlfriend ever? Do i try and see eye to eye, or listen instead of telling them what is right or why IM right? I guess this refers to all aspects of life. "Treat your friends right, or other people will." Relationships, its what is tangible in this life. they are the glue to our messy surroundings. almost everything we do, is with another. How can i hold my tongue? control my temper? Block out my judgemental mentality? how do i TRY to be a better girl towards the people i love/will come to know?  I dont want to miss an opportunity to share joy, so maybe i can try to dodge those words, or actions, or thoughts that destroy relationships, before they even happen. Life is meant to be lived with others. I just wanna make sure i dont live it alone.

yeap.

When the solution is simple, God is answering. -einstein

Not where the storyline ends

Im probably writing this blog out of pure boredom, but nonetheless, i need to write one! Lately i feel like ive been in such a rut, and its driving me crazy. I feel like i only hang out with children, ( no harm to the kids i love my job i do!) but Goodness, i feel like its all i do. I go to work, come home and eat food, then leave for another sitting gig. Is this where i picture my life at? A few months ago i was boarding a plane to Germany. Would I, in that moment, have thought that this is where id be in a few months? This past week has just been a blur of grey and dull, im either working or working in my room (re doing it, its adorable lol ) But i sit here, and continue to ask, "why did it turn out this way? why am i here and not somewhere else?" I guess what im trying to say is, i keep thinking this is the end of the book, the tragic boring ending of Lindsey's story, when its not. Not every single word of a book is going to be gripping and exciting. But what i am learning is that, i need to be positive during every stage of my life, including the monotonous work and lifestyle. Im learning to not waste my time on people who dont care, not waste my time grumbling when i have work the next day, and complaining that my life is dull. I dont have the extra time for all that. Its not gonna make it better by being whiney about it. If i am, then im not working hard enough to make it exciting.. Sometimes we expect things to happen, when in reality, its how we react to whats given to us. I cant complain when i reacted without enthusiasm and without the bigger picture in mind. Who knows, maybe in 6 months, ill read back on this, and be somewhere else, or doing something new. Life's a changing stage,  and flipping book. And i shouldn't  try to skip chapters

Got a date with reality

Sometimes i look at this site, to remember past memories, and short comings. re-reading old entries make me laugh and feel sad sometimes, and to my surprise, people still view this page. Ive thought about returning to blog, but i figured no one wanted to read someone's boring routine life, but then i realized, that most of the worlds population is in routine. So might as well give ya'll something up to date? Well since ive been home from germany, its been well, freakin boring lol. But you know, sometimes in life, it has to be, well not boring, but, simple. As humans we often ( too often id say) get those two words, completely mixed up. "Its soo boring here, there is no pizazz, theres no NEW! theres no bright colors and loud sounds that keep me entertained" But simplicity IS exciting.. its meaning you have a blank canvas, something to just go wild over.. but again, its to bring us back down to the realization that the best things in life, are the simple ones. dont get me wrong i love me some excitement! but if i had to sit down and write everything i truly loved, itd be the simpler kinds. Sunflowers, laughing, baseball, baking cookies, taking bike rides, naps, dancing, day dreaming, hot bubble baths, and squidging your toes in the sand. Sometimes we get so caught up in big dreams and aspirations, and dont get me wrong, those are great to have! but we gotta focus on the now, the present game plan, to get to those wild ones.. Its January 29th, 2011. its 11:27 pacific time, and im sick with a throat infection, not my best night i would say? eh ha ha. i dont know what makes this night any different from the rest, but i felt like i need to write again. im laying here, staring at this ceiling, that hasnt changed in years, and once again i want something more. but, im content.. i know ill be gone again soon, and since the new year, ive had many great opportunities to travel in other parts of the world literally, whenever i please and fundraised the money for.. but you know, for once in my life, im okay with where i am at. im ok with waking up in sunny california, im ok with going to work and being austins nanny, and subbing for crossroads, and babysitting on weekends, because i know im not gonna be here forever.. i should soak this in.. im probably never gonna be in this stage of my life ever again, i need to appreciate this. i guess sometimes i forget that, but ive learned when you do get back in routine and being content, time goes by alot faster than just sitting there moping in the why's.  So im workin hard, rolling up the sleeves, and kickin butt at watching babies lol, im planning for a new adventure, maybe this august. somewhere new :)! and exciting, with new faces and people, im excited to think about it, but my heart says its happy here.. for now. a good friend once told me, that i need to be just as excited with waking up tomorrow and being in the norm, as i would be if i were to wake up knowing i had a plane ticket somewhere. Tomorrow i wake up when my sleep cold medicine decides to wear off, and Doris comes over to hem a few dresses for swing, and then the 530 Church service, then laying out what ill wear for monday, and in bed by hopefully 1030. Thats my Plane ticket. thats my adventure for Sunday January 30th 2011. I better be goin to bed now, ive got a flight to catch.     p.s thanks for readin, even if its just one person who enjoys this, its all good with me.

swept under

well hello, its been a while since i have posted one of these.. sitting here in my room, i cant believe its been 2 weeks since i was in germany.. it feels like it went by a flash, and it never happened.. maybe thats a good thing. Its very nice to be home, and be in warm sunshine, but there are people i miss dearly on that side of the world. This will be the last blog i will post for a very long time, well, a few months until im in the other country, well, continent ill be living in next :) you'll just have to wait and see! A lot of people dont understand the meaning and importance of "Home". home is a special place, a place where you can always go home too, no matter where you are in the world, you can always come home. Kids who have great homes, always know that, Parents, make sure your home is like that for your kids, you dont know what they might encounter in their lives, just make sure "Home" is a safeway to any situation.. since being home ive seen SO many people, im subbing for teachers assistants again, (and LOVING it), going to the beach, dancing (love that), and eating as much mexican food my tummy can hold. But im learning to get back on my feet again... the past few months have been so alien to me, my world was rocked on all sides, and not in the good way. Im mending a broken heart, mending my sad bank account, mending my damaged hair, and trying to figure out my next move.. SO many things happened at once, and im learning to make the best out of every situation. As energized and happy as i feel and am to be back home, i felt like ive been a zombie since ive been home. Just slugging around wondering where my life went, and how i got to this place.. so many plans, and dreams, and hopes...changed. within a few weeks, and i couldn't do anything about it.. its like watching a car crash from a window in a tall building, knowing whose cars it is, and no matter how much you scream and hit the glass, you cant do anything about it.. all you can do is turn your face so you dont have to watch it, but something is holding your neck so you have too. What happened? how did i get to this point? how did WE get to this point? what about me? where do i go now? My worst fears happened, something you try so hard to prevent you find yourself helping that process unknowingly. I dont mean to rant, but this is sort of the first time typing things out and re reading it, instead of having it play as a movie in my head, a book is a nice change of pace. As girls, you replay everything, every moment, every look, instance, feeling, and you want to hold it and cherish it forever.. because it meant something. finding out it didnt, is a hard pill to swallow, and learning that you have to let it be that way is an even bigger pill. but im learning. you cant cherish those things forever, because you have to make room for new things to cherish, and new things to hold. some memories should be held in your heart forever, but some should be forgotten. So this is me, learning to put down past memories, walking away, and moving on. Once again, i find myself laying on my bed, having not a clue of where i'll be in 6 months. Its both exciting and terrifying..... And im pleased to say i think you less and less as the days go by... Goodbyes are never fun so, see you soon blog readers. thanks for sharin the ride with me.