Friday, December 10, 2010

swept under

well hello, its been a while since i have posted one of these.. sitting here in my room, i cant believe its been 2 weeks since i was in germany.. it feels like it went by a flash, and it never happened.. maybe thats a good thing. Its very nice to be home, and be in warm sunshine, but there are people i miss dearly on that side of the world. This will be the last blog i will post for a very long time, well, a few months until im in the other country, well, continent ill be living in next :) you'll just have to wait and see! A lot of people dont understand the meaning and importance of "Home". home is a special place, a place where you can always go home too, no matter where you are in the world, you can always come home. Kids who have great homes, always know that, Parents, make sure your home is like that for your kids, you dont know what they might encounter in their lives, just make sure "Home" is a safeway to any situation.. since being home ive seen SO many people, im subbing for teachers assistants again, (and LOVING it), going to the beach, dancing (love that), and eating as much mexican food my tummy can hold. But im learning to get back on my feet again... the past few months have been so alien to me, my world was rocked on all sides, and not in the good way. Im mending a broken heart, mending my sad bank account, mending my damaged hair, and trying to figure out my next move.. SO many things happened at once, and im learning to make the best out of every situation. As energized and happy as i feel and am to be back home, i felt like ive been a zombie since ive been home. Just slugging around wondering where my life went, and how i got to this place.. so many plans, and dreams, and hopes...changed. within a few weeks, and i couldn't do anything about it.. its like watching a car crash from a window in a tall building, knowing whose cars it is, and no matter how much you scream and hit the glass, you cant do anything about it.. all you can do is turn your face so you dont have to watch it, but something is holding your neck so you have too. What happened? how did i get to this point? how did WE get to this point? what about me? where do i go now? My worst fears happened, something you try so hard to prevent you find yourself helping that process unknowingly. I dont mean to rant, but this is sort of the first time typing things out and re reading it, instead of having it play as a movie in my head, a book is a nice change of pace. As girls, you replay everything, every moment, every look, instance, feeling, and you want to hold it and cherish it forever.. because it meant something. finding out it didnt, is a hard pill to swallow, and learning that you have to let it be that way is an even bigger pill. but im learning. you cant cherish those things forever, because you have to make room for new things to cherish, and new things to hold. some memories should be held in your heart forever, but some should be forgotten. So this is me, learning to put down past memories, walking away, and moving on. Once again, i find myself laying on my bed, having not a clue of where i'll be in 6 months. Its both exciting and terrifying..... And im pleased to say i think you less and less as the days go by... Goodbyes are never fun so, see you soon blog readers. thanks for sharin the ride with me.