Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Above the Influence.
Being in constant prayer for the past few days, i felt like God literally slapped me in the face and said "Lindsey!!! GET A GRIP! I GOT THIS! CHILL!" Once again, im being vulnerable, and maybe a little too honest on here, but oh well! This is theraputic for me! Even if i did spell that word wrong! This blog is about influence. everyone in your life is an influence, whether you realize it or not, they affect you. They maybe make you do things, push you, make you not do things, forget things, remember things, show you things, and in the end, teach you things. Since i was young, ive always had a strive for adventure and culture, to see this world through heavens eyes, to experience culture, to live with flavor and fire, to meet people who are just as wrapped up in this dream as i am. But how come all of those dreams stop when you meet someone? I was suddenly OK with not doing those things, i was OK with not finding a church here, because i figured id get by with reading my bible every week or so. i was OK with forgetting all of those things i had been DREAMING about for years... so easily, because someone influenced me. not in a bad way, but in a way where God wasnt my main vision anymore. I now understand the meaning of why God asked us to be "equally yolked" in a relationship, and i am so darn excited to meet that person one day! But for now, until that happens, ive got some goals to cross off. Sitting here, shaking my head, i need to stick to my guns, and realize that i am 18, and there is a reason i am 18 on this day, in this year in history. There was a reason i wanted to be single this past summer, and to my surprise found someone, so i gave it a go. and, it didnt work out. yes, it hurts, but lifes goes ON! and instead of wishing it over, or it never happened, its a learning experience, things in life dont work out the way we plan, but usually the things in life that DONT work out, are usually the ones WE wanted, and not what God intended, but Gods so freakin awesome like that, he takes bad things, and makes them work out for OUR benefit. I am going to experience this WORLD and what it has to OFFER ME! I am going to meet incredible people in this process, and i wonder what they will be like. This is the only life i have, and i have one shot at greatness. I need to remember who that girl was on new years eve, 2009, i need to remember that girl in the yard climbing on trees and getting lice in her hair (sorry sis, i swear ill make it up somehow haha) that girl so troubled by staying in one place, that girl whose prayer was to seek adventure, that girl who had dreams every night of being someone great for Gods world. the one who was passionate about this world. the one who didnt need a man, but was happy learning and holding Gods hand first. the girl who didnt let anything in her way stop her from achieving her dreams. the girl who wasnt afraid to get on a plane not knowing the outcome. the girl whose fuel was Gods love, and the want and NEED for adventure. Im sorry Lindsey. ive forgotten who you were and are. i cant promise to always remember your real strive in life, but i will try harder to remember you, and remember to sit still and quiet enough to hear what makes your heart beat. Gods sittin right next to me, so he's reading this and is gonna make sure i do too. He says hi by the way, and tells me to tell you that he misses you, and the long talks about the world. Maybe you can give him a call later? his number is the same as always. Oh, you havent heard from him in a while you say? try picking up your phone. its been ringing alot lately. You havent heard it? maybe all the worries in your head keep you from hearing your phone call.